Schubert Impromptu No. 2 in A flat

Nicht müde werden.

Nicht müde werden
sondern dem Wunder
leise
wie einem Vogel
die Hand hinhalten.

                              H. Domin

The leaves are falling,
falling as if from far up,
as if distant gardens were
withering in the skies.
Each leaf falls as if it were motioning "no."

And tonight the heavy earth is falling
away from all other stars in the loneliness.

We're all falling. This hand here is falling.
And look at the other one. It's in them all.

And yet there is Someone, whose hands
infinitely gentle,
are holding up all this falling.
  
                                                                R.M. Rilke

J.S. Bach Partita C minor BWV 997
Sarabande & Gigue

My life.
I want to live it 
aware that I might not be
in human form anymore
tomorrow.
My soul:
A caleidoscope.
The human body:
a temporary home on earth,
home for my soul. 

Why is there transience?
Why can't everything stay as it is?
Fear of death.
Which fear could be more existential?
What is fear of death?
Fear of death is the fear of being loved - 
Unconditionally.

Bach-Hess Chorale
'Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring'

Mahler Symphony No. 10 V. Finale 

What is time?
We look at our watch and take this time for granted.
But is it the true time?
I don't think so.
That's just our self-made time.
Mathematically correct.
So what is the real time?

What time does our soul have?
The children's book 'The lost soul' 
with texts by Olga Tokarczuk 
is about a man who always lived 
much faster than his soul.
So he 'lost' it. And started living
slower, so his soul could catch up to him.
In the end they found each other again
and lived happily together.
In the time of the soul.

I think the time of our soul is much slower
than we live nowadays.
Very different.

It is no news that digesting something
emotionally takes much more time than
to just understand it with our mind.

So why don't we take our own time?
I imagine every soul has its very
own tempo.
But together they correspond to
each other.
Like in a huge symphony.
Every voice has its tempo but together
they correspond to something bigger,
they harmonise together.

We have to find out what is our time,
as the man in the book.
Otherwise we loose the connection to
our soul.

Our time nowadays is fast.
Very fast.
Too fast for our soul.
When do we really take time
to breath deeply?
When do we really take time to taste
what we eat?
To feel the air on our skin,
to digest the colours of nature?
To feel each other?

The Finale from Mahler's 10th symphony
speaks to me about this.
Listen to it.
Dive into another kind of time.
Let your soul correspond to it.
Breath.
Fulfill.

What a world would we have
if we would all live in our real time?
What a world.

Brahms: Gesang der Parzen

Es fürchte die Götter
Das Menschengeschlecht!
Sie halten die Herrschaft
In ewigen Händen,
Und können sie brauchen,
Wie's ihnen gefällt.
(...)
___________________________
Let the human race fear the Gods!
For they hold dominion
over them in eternal hands,
and can handle it
as it pleases them.
(...)

Maybe our biggest fear is the fear
of loosing ourselves.
We experience it in form of fear of death,
fear of loss of existance.
The fear of dying is maybe the fear
of not being us?
Is the fear of dying the fear
of really living?
Of not being deeply us,
not living out of our soul
but out of our mind.
If we are connected with our soul,
our feelings,
we are connected with God, our source to me.
Our feelings are real. They are the
language of our soul.
Not complicated theories and word
accumulations.
Not our concepts and our rules we have
about us, others and this world.
Not our morality or ethic.
It is our feelings to me.
We should take them seriously.
Especially all our abandoned feelings
as fear, anger, sadness etc.
Why are we so afraid of them?
I guess we learned at some early point in
life that it is dangerous to feel those
feelings. So we cut them off.
But they are still in us.
Our mind is sabotaging us in a way.
Surely to protect us. But this protection 
from our childhood isn't working anymore.
We are free now.

Free to feel any feeling.
We will not die of it.
That is an illusion.
We will probably more die of
suppressing our feelings.
Let yourself be led into Brahms'
'Gesang der Parzen'.
Feel the music with me if you like to.
You can write down what you feel,
paint or sing to it.
Enjoy your feelings.

The leaves are falling,
falling as from far,
as distant gardens were withering
in the skies;
They are falling slowly and with a
negating gesture.

And in the nights the heavy earth is falling,
out of the stars into solitude.

We all are falling.
This hand is falling. And look:
it is in all of us.

But there is One
who is holding all this falling
infinitely gentle in his hands.
                
                        R.M. Rilke

If we live our life disconnected to our soul,
our feelings,
we live a life that is not ours.
Of course we are afraid.
We spent so much time disconnected
from our source then, God, nature, ... .
How much we suffer from this.
Pain and darkness are in that state our
constant companions.
Our soul is longing for us.
To guide us.
Since our soul, God, nature, our source
is the only thing in this world
that is true.
Our body will die one day.
But our soul is everlasting.